Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Dear Friends,

It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:

Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury spokesman. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.The gravesite was piled high with flours. As long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end it was thought he would rise gain, but alas, he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.


In the beginning was the PLAN.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the PLAN was without substance.
And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying,

"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."

And the workers went to their Supervisors and said,

"It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying,

"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying,

"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide the strength."

And the Directors conferred among themselves, and went to their Vice Presidents saying,

"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him,

"This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the PLAN and saw that it was good.
And the PLAN became POLICY.

This is how SHIT HAPPENS !

Monday, August 01, 2005

"One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop."

--G. M. Weilacher